Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
