____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize