we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
