I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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