I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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