you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
