Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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