Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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