sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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