3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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