did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
