Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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