his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
