he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
