friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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