hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
