nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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