I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
