Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
