I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
