he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
