I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
