Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
