i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
