i jhust puked up my retainher.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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