Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
