it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
