did you get engaged???
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
