Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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