that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
