i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
