and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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