Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
