4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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