Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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