i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
