I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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