This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
