Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My bed smells like the plague
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
