Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
