were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
