im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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