I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
