I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
