rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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