I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
