On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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