I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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