Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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