airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
