omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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