Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
