please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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