I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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