i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
