seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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