Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
