First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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