I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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