Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i drank out of a bidet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
