I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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