batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
