I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
