When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
