im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
