I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
